Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Strands of Light Are Coming

its time to move
move through the sea to ascend the mountain
blown by the breath of God
God your numbing my sorrows
aileron bones hinged to your heart
i'm ready to move
God i'm weak and ready
light my ribs on fire and i'll move I promise
but i need you
we've come so far, me and you God..

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Standing knee-deep in cold water, swiftly moving
Somehow I knew I lost something

Waiting waist-deep I saw a book there, in the river
Waiting for me to find it there
I tried to read it, neck deep, treading water
The tide pulled me out to sea

Then with water in my eyes
The words began to rise from their place
They were beautiful and dread
I reached for them and fed on each phrase
They were honey on my lips
Then a bitter twist in my side
I knew they'd lay me in my grave
"Is there no one who could save me?" I cried
Sinking down deep through cold water and heavy silence
Shadows stirring in the gloom
What things lay sleeping down deep in the darkness?
Woke then to find me in my tomb

Then with water in my eyes
The words began to rise from their place
They were beautiful and dread
I reached for them and fed on each phrase
They were honey on my lips
Then a bitter twist in my side
I knew they'd lay me in my grave
"Is there no one who could save me?" I cried

And when I lost all hope to look
Someone took that heavy book from my hands
All it's weight they set aside
After they had satisfied it's demands
I felt white and black reverse
And the lifting of a curse from my heart
Then like one receiving sight
I beheld a brilliant light in the dark
-Words In The Water, Thrice

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Refining Flames

I can't even begin to express my astonishment and awe of God and how He works. This past year God has been molding me and refining my heart in a way that is so astounding and beautiful. Needless to say, the refining process has been painful; divorcing parents, broken relationships, discouragement. I began to seek acceptance and love from other areas as I veered from God. During that time I faced an identity crisis. Overbearing insecurities gripped my heart and controlled my mind. I continued to hold on so very tightly to certain relationships which I thought would ease the pain of losing my foundation. I felt feelings after being numb for so long and I thought that was a good I let myself go. I let my guard down and let my emotions loose. Red flags sprung up time and time again but I disregarded them still trying to control what I could.

Trying to morph into someone I wasn't, I continued to drift from God. And with each step I continued to take away from Him, his whisper of warning became louder and louder. "It's ok God, I'll be fine. I just want to see where this goes, I hear your warnings but I have this one under control." And with that I entangled myself more into a mess of emotions and desperation to be accepted. I continued to search for happiness and fulfillment in people and certain relationships. I gave parts of myself away hoping for some kind of validation or a reciprocated action. But when I never received the affirmation expected, I felt like a failure, not good enough, like I messed everything up. I let those feelings eat away at my heart and I let those voices keep telling me I was no good, that I really screwed everything up, that I didn't even know who I was anymore. And I believed them.

That's when He stepped in. "That's enough. You need to give Me everything your holding on to. Let's continue our journey." He silenced the voices and He is currently piecing my heart back together.

I'm learning now that through this trial, the Holy Spirit has been refining me and ridding my heart of the fifth I never knew was there. He needed me to see that in my weaknesses, He is strong.

God lets us have our freedom and lets us wander a bit from the path to experience things and during that time when we keep walking a little bit farther away, He's watching us, warning us that it's a dangerous place to be away from Him. He wants to protect us and spare us from heartache but He gives us experiences that will make us stronger people.

I want to encourage you that if your in a place of discouragement, ask God to break the chains that are holding you back from walking with Him, whether it stems from feelings of failure or if it's the weight of trying to control a situation and it's not working out. Remember that God sees the whole picture and that He has something amazing in store for you..better than anything you ever imagined.


Friday, April 15, 2011

And if I didn't have you as my guide
I'd still be wandering lost in Sinai
Or down by the tracks
Watching trains go by to remind me:
There are places that aren't here
I had a well but all the water left
So I'll ask for your forgiveness
With every breath
If there was no way into God
I would never have laid in this grave of a body
So long, dear


Thursday, February 24, 2011

I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

Friday, January 28, 2011

Brokenness and Beauty

This little project came about by having the crazy idea to smash some glass and crack some mirrors, for fun.. :)

At first, I had a vision of surrounding this wooden frame with the broken mirror pieces, kind of like putting a puzzle back together.

Then the more creative, artistic side of me kicked in as I stood in the basement looking at cans of paint..and finding some broken glass in the recycling bin..

Lo and behold, a bit of a concept emerged as I hot glued my fingers together and endured a few slices (I later resorted to wearing gloves)..

I remembered a conversation I had with a close friend, Mama Kate, about how everyone has a bit of brokenness in their life. Although we all carry these pieces or maybe shards, there is someone who can put us back together. We may be battered and bruised but we will be refined as a new masterpiece, rising from the depths of brokenness.

"Tossing seas, broken fragments washed up on shore to be gathered by One who can put them back together- the glass does not look the same, but is artfully and carefully placed to create a new masterpiece- out of brokenness comes beauty"

Monday, January 24, 2011

A Bit of Light Carried

Would it be captivating to stand on the edge of a cliff, you and I
With flickering glances sharing bits of soulful meaning?
These conflicting thoughts;
Some things are best kept to yourself.

In a moment of suspense
Determining your way of communication
We'll stare on.

Would it be of worth to risk oneself
Jumping into the frigid cold uncertainty,
Perhaps rising with a glow of meaning
And contentment longed for?

We can only take the plunge face first,
submerging our fears into the darkness,
rising again to the surface carrying a bit of light with us-
something learned, a character renewed.